Dear Sara, You are INCREDIBLE.

This is the part where I reveal my obsession with Sara Bareilles. Quite frankly, I think she's genius. AND as an avid piano player, I like that I can play her songs and they will actually sound like her songs because her songs are piano enhanced with other instruments but not overrun by other instruments. Capiche? Well anyway...Careful Confessions is her first album and for a long time was not available to the public. Fortunately it has been released again because it is AMAZING. One of my Christmas gifts - I've been dying to own it forever. A lot of the songs on are following albums, but on this CD the songs are in their "raw" form almost - like before everything is enhanced and digitized. It's like it's more of Sara's heart and soul and the way she feels the music as opposed to scripted. Plus there are a few songs that you can't find anywhere else.

And would you believe she came HERE to SLC to perform a little over a month ago and I did not make it to her concert. PLEASE COME AGAIN SARA!

Yes.

This. Is Beauty. The black one is great - beautiful line, and of course I'm always obsessed with ruffles, but the peach one...Oh. My. Gosh. I want that. Add some sleeves and make it ivory and I would get married and have six receptions just so I could wear it more than once and have people's mouths water and their sight blur green with envy as they beheld the beauty that is my gown. Then I would dye it back to this beautiful peach color and wear it to the formal dinner on the cruise ship I am on for my honeymoon and every fifth year anniversary. That. Is how much I am obsessed with this dress.

Unfortunately I am unable to give designer credit to this masterpiece, but the black one is BCBG Max Azria, bless his heart.

Because Jake Says

So Jake is apparently a little disappointed in me because I haven't posted in a very long time and I said I didn't have anything to write about. So he said I should write about him. This is Jake:

Okay. That's the first picture I found. Jake is my BFF and a half who I have known and lived around the corner from since before I can remember. He is about yay tall and wide. We have lots of good times.

Satisfied?

Also. He is desperately attractive and though he'd kill me if I told you, he's Batman in disguise.

A Discussion About Art

I overheard a discussion in my sewing class today about being a perfectionist. Obviously this conversation is bound to come up in a sewing class where you are constantly deciding if it is worth picking out that row of stitching for the fourth time...

This adorable girl in my class is studying art and she was telling a story about how she used to be SUCH a perfectionist. She ended up having to go to a shrink. Yes, she called him her shrink. I'm not just being offensive. This was his advice: Flunk an assignment on purpose. Just full on don't do an assignment so you can see that the world will not crumble on top of you. He tried for over a year to get her to do this and she just couldn't convince herself to not do the assignment.

I'm not sure how she was eventually cured or if she ever actually flunked the assignment...I tuned out and that's not relevant to this post. What IS relevant is this: I am a perfectionist, and at one point in my life, I don't think I could have intentionally flunked an assignment either. I guarantee I wouldn't be able to.

Now I'm in college and I regularly forget to do my physics homework and thank goodness learning to sew has, while aggravating my perfectionism, also taught me that sometimes you just have to let something go and it will still turn out alright. So for anyone who may criticize my perfectionism, and a note to myself when I become frustrated: THINK HOW MUCH WORSE IT COULD BE! I'm glad I don't have to see a shrink over it and that I am learning how to put it aside in some cases.

On another note, I have to ask myself this: why is it the artistically minded that are so tortured by perfectionism? Not always, lest you scientists come after me, but frequently. Ever heard the expression tortured artist? Ever heard of van Gogh? Thought he was no good and killed himself. The guy was a genius and he didn't know it!

We are our own worst critics and it slowly eats us away every single day.

SO STOP BEING SO CRITICAL ALL THE TIME.

One of the greatest quotes I ever heard that I just spent fifteen minutes searching for the person to whom I should give credit: "You are doing better than you think you are."

Okay. I've officially gotten carried away. So we'll leave it at that.

The Good and the Bad

I'm not even sure when the last time I wrote was. But since whenever that time was, life has been grossly, ridiculously, embarrassingly full of good times and bad times and mood swings.

The Bad: Had my car towed, failed a test twice, forgot various homework assignments, got very far behind in multiple classes, missed my best friend miserably, went to bed late on weeknights and early on weekends, battled a fierce cold, fell apart multiple times, got a lecture I didn't need from an adviser, was a semi-jerk to a nice person and potential friend, have only had three meals a day about twice a week, bullied and guilted myself over the decisions I can't make, etc. etc. etc. I won't recall more than that.

The Good: Watched the seasons change, signed up to volunteer at the art museum, submitted my first college paper which I was quite proud of, got a LETTER, got some PICTURES (consequently brought me lower than before but that's irrelevant in this post), got a 74% on my econ test (yes, that's good, relatively speaking), got caught up in school, impressed my sewing teacher, and as of today I have a new nephew.

Unfortunately, as welcome as they are, the highs always slope back down to lows. And I always struggled with being a positive person. I have a hard time searching for the good when deep down all I see is the bad. But I'm working on it. Despite the snow I walked home in today, I couldn't help but marvel at the bright colors of the trees. I would say that's an improvement. I was desperately hoping for a 60% on my test. I would say 74% is an improvement. You don't want to hear any of this (whoever that ambiguous "you" refers to) but I needed to write something. So there.

kerielle

This is a story worth saving. Why kerielle?

Ninth grade. Mr. Willey's Honors/AP Geography class. Waiting in the library for the bus to arrive to take us to Salt Lake City for RHSMUN. Obviously, very bored. So my two friends and I start flipping through the largest dictionary of names in the world. We looked up our own names. We looked at the surrounding names - names that are close to our own but a little more creative. I doubted my name would be in the dictionary - it's so unusual, you can't find it anywhere. But it was, and right beneath it was the name kerielle. Yes. It must be spelled with a lower case k. Leave me alone. And so it became a joke - we all had our close-to-real-name-nicknames. Mine was kerielle. And it grew on me. Certain people picked up on it and used it since then.

So the significance? If, no, cross that out, WHEN I get my own line of designer clothing, it will be called kerielle. It seems like designers are all known by one name - first, last, combination of the two or something completely irrelevant. Neither of my names are very cool. So...kerielle. Designer-worthy. At least, I think so.

That's the story.

Sundays

For some reason, Sundays are the hardest days. These are the days that I miss my dear friend the most. Perhaps because these are the days he would come visit and we would sit on the front porch in the sunshine just talking. Every week.

This week, I invite my South Korean roommate, Heather, home to have dinner with my family. It was an "on" Sunday, which means ALL the family came home for dinner. Heather is an only child. Needless to say, it was much more crowded and noisy than she is used to. At first I wasn't sure if it was a good idea, just because it would be so crowded and noisy and I didn't know if I could keep up a conversation long enough for her to feel comfortable. But I'm SO glad I did. We had fun! My family was very kind to her and asked her questions. She loved dinner, and on the way home we stopped by to visit my Grandma who also made her feel very welcome.

Here's the point of the story. At the end of the night, Heather was thanking me for the evening. She said Sundays are the hardest for her - the days she misses her family the most - and she liked not being by herself in the apartment. I realized that having her over today made Sunday not as hard for me - I was thinking about someone else and not how bad I miss my friend.

I decided maybe days like today should occur more often. Maybe we started a tradition.

Tender Mercies

For some reason, when it rains, it pours. Everything becomes unbearable at once.

I didn't know that it was possible to receive so many tender mercies at once.

A friend who's going through exactly what I'm going through at the same time.

New friends I could have a good time with and forget my troubles with.

Watching a friend get his mission call.

People going out of their way to help you out.

An old acquaintance getting back in touch with you and wanting to be better friends.

Genuine appreciation for your company and personality.

A roommate who is walking through the rain just as much as I am - maybe together we'll find an umbrella.

When all hope is lost, I PROMISE that there is someone watching out for you still and when nobody else can fix it, He can and He WILL. Somehow. In due time. I'm so grateful.

Wasting Time

So...I should be studying for either of my tests tomorrow. Really. That's what I should have been doing all afternoon. Really. In fact I should have accomplished something, anything this afternoon more than what I actually did. Really. But I just didn't have the heart today. I'm feeling sick. I'm stressing over school. I'm getting behind. I'm missing my best friend terribly. Really. So I should go now and forget my woes and study. But instead I'm writing a new post on this blog that nobody reads. Really. Maybe it will inspire me.

Two tests. One day. 8:00 AM sharp - Book of Mormon. Tomorrow afternoon - Econ. Kill me. It's gonna be fun.

My best friend flies away from the states for two years tonight. I can hardly believe it's only been two weeks since he left and I can hardly believe it's already been two weeks. For some reason, even though communication has the exact same limitations, New Zealand just seems like more than I can bear right now. That is SO far away. Three weeks for mail. At least. At the very very least. But in a sense, moving to New Zealand is progress and that means that despite what it may seem to me, time IS moving on. And maybe once he's there I'll actually get a letter.

Today I'm grateful for sunshine. It's been so cold, but today I sat in the sun and ate my lunch. Pretty soon it will start snowing like crazy on us and the sun will go away forever. I dread cloudy days. They make me sad and give me headaches. So for now, I enjoy the sun while it lasts.

And now, to study.

Patience

There are several words that I hate in the English language: wound, morning, alarm clock, ointment, school, favor, and MOST of all, waiting.

I am running out of patience.

Someone please tell me this is worth it.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

So this really dear friend of mine I often speak of always told me of this book he read and loved. It's called How to Win Friends and Influence People. I sort of nodded and smiled and brushed it off every time he told me about it. Didn't sound like a book for me.

Don't be put off by the title folks. This book is for EVERYONE. He gave it to me for my birthday. I laughed and committed to read it. And it's brilliant. And I'm only about 85 pages in. It's inspirational. It revolutionizes the way we think about people, the way we treat people, how simple it is to make every day dealings and transactions 100% more pleasant.

Now, I'm a pretty skeptical, somewhat cynical person. Some of the stuff I look at and think, "Well, if someone did that to me I'd wonder what they were trying to get out of me," or "Well, if everyone did that it wouldn't work." But the fact of the matter is, Dale Carnegie's words are facts. They work. Why? Because unlike a skeptic like me would like to believe, the world is EXACTLY the way he depicts it. So here's some of my favorite advice and words of wisdom so far:

"When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity." (pg.13)

"Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do." (pg. 16)

"...I know, as you know, people who would think they had committed a crime if they let their families or employees go for six days without food; but they will let them go for six days, six weeks, and sometimes sixty years without giving them the hearty appreciation that they crave almost as much as they crave food." (pg. 25)

"One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation." (pg. 27)

" 'If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that persons' angle as well as from you own.' -Henry Ford" (pg. 35)

"It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow en who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring." (pg. 53)

"The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others...Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." (pg. 78 -79)

And those are just a few. One of the most important things I've learned? How important a smile is. That's something, I'm sorry to say, I desperately fail at. So. I'm going to smile more often. And do better at remembering names. And ask more about the other person than telling about myself.

To anyone who still thinks this book is for losers who can't make friends on their own, stick it in your ear and go buy a copy.

Return to the 70's?

No, I'm no fashion blogger. Though I enjoy fashion blogs. Yes. There is such a thing out there. They are huge. And I'm obsessed. My current favorite? Tavi. 13 year old genius. Yeah, she dresses pretty crazy. But I love some of her views on fashion.

But we're getting off topic. No, I'm no fashion blogger. But I like to think that I follow fashion news somewhat. Would you believe that the Wall Street Journal has an excellent section on fashion? I had to get a subscription for my econ class and thought I would gag myself reading it every morning until I discovered that the Personal Journal section of the paper covers high fashion EXTENSIVELY. So much fun.

Long story short, this article was in the paper today. Brioni. Long time designer of menswear. Big name. Big label. Started making womenswear in 2001. Not as successful. This season, attempting to make womenswear more successful - "with a focus on elegant sportswear." Now, because the Wall Street Journal makes a point to take an objective approach to everything they write, I'm not sure whether the writer approved or disapproved of this line. All I can say is this: Welcome to the worst of the 70's! Yes. I admit. Some of the 70's styles have made a huge comeback. And I like them. But these colors, big bows, high collars, gauzy sleeves and floral laces do NOT do anything to help Brioni's womenswear line. In my own personal opinion. I used to work in a costume shop and I swear we had these exact same dresses and blouses hanging in our 70's vintage section in the back. No joke. Bad news. Don't like it.

I'm sorry if you do.

Now, to be fair. There are a couple of pieces that I do love. For example, the tan shimmer/gauze blouse with high waisted skirt and the red blouse and pants (LOVE)...that's about it. The fuzzy-looking mini skirt just doesn't fit in. The orange dress is the WORST. Yeah. Interesting collection. Check it out.

Catching Up

Argh! I missed Tuesday. And technically this post will probably say Thursday since it's 12:30 AM though I consider myself posting it exceptionally late on Wednesday so I'm only really missing that one day! So here are some thoughts from my day:

Something Wise: If you set up your printer at midnight the night before an assignment is due, it is guaranteed not to print.

Something for Relief: Eight o'clock class? Cancelled.

Something to Smile About: Watching your eight-year-old neighbor teach the Macarena to his little sister in their front yard.

Something to Remember: Keeping a promise to a friend to attend Institute can be a blessing - just go and make the most of it.

Something to Be Grateful For: "Christ didn't give up in the Garden of Gethsemane and He won't give up on you." Refer to 1 Nephi 21:15-16

Something to Make Your Day: A conversation with a good friend who answers all your questions and makes you feel really great about yourself again.

Something to Change Your Life: Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. Don't be put off by the title people. It's an amazing book and it really works. I'll likely refer to it often.

Something to Hope For: A letter tomorrow? I hope so.

One week down.

Mondays

I made a valiant effort today. VALIANT. AND on a MONDAY. At least it started out that way. I got to campus early and bought my paper for my sewing class, worked hard all through sewing, went to a study session for Art History during lunch, went to Art History, DIDN'T FALL ASLEEP (that is an accomplishment in and of itself...) took EXCELLENT notes, went home, registered my car, went visiting teaching, went to ANOTHER study session, took MORE excellent notes, did the dishes, made dinner, did some studying with Jake, went to a service committee meeting, took a physics test...all in all a very busy and more productive than normal day. Right?

So why do I feel like I didn't accomplish anything?

No 8:00 AM class on Thursday. HUZZAH!

Realizations

So I'm just figuring out how ridiculous it is to be posting on this blog every day when I have not given it's address to anyone and you can't happen upon it via search engine...aka nobody is reading it. Yet, in some sense, I'm okay with that. Right now I'm just keeping a commitment and perhaps as I pick up on what this blog is really going to be about - and after I have quite the collection of posts - I will begin giving out the address. Kudos to all of you who go back through and read this post. Find something better to do with your time.

Today I'm also figuring out just how frustrated school makes me. Why? Because I don't know where it's taking me or why I'm going. Obviously I know I'm going to get an education, but what? What kind? For what purpose? Right now all I can see myself doing for the rest of my life is fashion design. Like I mentioned in my brief introduction earlier. It just makes sense to me. But I am stubborn and dedicated to academics and I want to have a university degree behind my name. I hope you're all laughing at me right now.

The trouble is, I'm the type of person who barrels right through things to get them done. But I have to know the objective. Once I have a goal, life is easy. Just get it done. Right now I have no idea what I'm working towards here at BYU and that is SO frustrating. I feel helpless. I just don't know what to do with myself. I have no desire to accomplish anything because I don't know what the big picture is. Nothing to orient myself towards. I'm not very good at this whole idea of "exploring my options."

I guess that's how life is though. Thank goodness I'm lucky enough to have an eternal perspective. To know what my main goal in this life is. To know that no matter what happens, I will be victorious if I do what is right. At least that path has been paved for me - paved by the same person who can help me find my way through school.

If only I can just stop being so stubborn.

Making Amends

Upon recently reviewing my posts, I've discovered how often I've admitted I have nothing to say. That is very annoying. I apologize. So in today's post, I'm going to pretend not only that I have something to say, but that it's worth saying. Capiche?

First off I'd like to express my appreciation for my MacBook Pro. BEST. INVESTMENT. EVER. Except for maybe my serger that I really only paid $200.00 for. Or my $850.00 SLR Canon Rebel digital camera. (LOVE!) I love the finer things in life. That's despite the point. Back to my MacBook. Today I am typing a post from work. Why? Because it hasn't been this slow at work since March when it was snowing outside and nobody wanted to come play in the pool or hedge mazes. Also despite the point. Today I am typing a post from work. This means I am using a PC. Not only is it much slower, has completely backwards key commands, and doesn't have a clever touchpad so I can "surf the web" with ease, but it doesn't proof my spelling or grammar automatically on every document and email I type. Normally, I have both exceptional spelling and grammar, but sometimes proofreading is essential.

Second off, I'd like to express my appreciation for good friends. The kind of friends you can do anything with and just not worry a bit. Last night I realized that my best friend that I've spent almost every weekend with since October would not be able to spend the weekend with me. I needed Friday night plans. So I called some of these very great friends of mine. Results? Free dinner, excellent conversation, watched "Invictus" (I wish I could give it a review, but I think I fell asleep during the bulk of the storyline...oops.), Pie Shakes at Sammy's (if you haven't had one, get one), and then stargazing up Provo Canyon. The sky was beautifully clear last night and the moon round and full. The weather was crisp and cool - the very definition of fall. We huddled in hoodies and blankets and watched for shooting stars while sharing jokes and stories. I got home and 4 AM - the latest I've been out since grad night. (Embarrassing...) An epic adventure and 100% successful in helping me distract myself.

Thanks friends!

One last thing to apologize for: because I'm at work typing on this miserable PC (those who know me well may gasp to hear me call a PC miserable) I do not have any more random pictures to post to make my blog more colorful. One of my new goals is to utilize my fancy camera (Clarence - I love him dearly) more often in my daily life. Pictures soon. I hope.

Again

For the sake of trying to form a habit, here we go again.

Thank goodness for Fridays. Only one class to attend - sewing, and we're starting a pattern altering unit that is really exciting me because we're finally learning stuff I haven't done extensively before! - and then some free time to read in the sunshine to keep my mind distracted before a good friend took me to lunch.

Because I don't have a lot to say and I'm getting sick of there being naught but words on this blog, here are two pictures that I am recently obsessed with. One is myself. One is my best friend. I upped the contrast for a more dramatic effect, though the color versions are equally remarkable. I just like the type of feeling they convey - the bright white image of the temple filling each frame and illuminating each silhouette. It makes me ponder. Yes, ponder. Think what you may. I tried to get them to post side by side, but failed. Here they are all the same:

Nonsense

I realize I don't have to post every day. I should reserve posting for days I actually have something to say. But I'm bored and missing someone desperately so I'm posting for the sake of distracting myself. So here's a little about me:

I just started my first year of college at BYU. Since moving out I've had at least eight lessons on marriage, see an average of eleven PDA-ish couples on campus each day, and hear the phrase, "I heard you're engaged!" or, "Oh my gosh! Let me see your ring!" at least once a day. That's BYU for you. Everything I always thought it would be.

I'll give someone money if they can figure out what I should be studying. My dream is to go to the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City to study fashion design. However, I have this strange nagging feeling that I need to get a degree from the University here first. Being in this pickle, I have plans to graduate in August 2012 with a degree in...we'll see. Still working on that. Then off to NYC in the spring - hopefully - where I will gain my education and reputation and establish myself as a prominent designer of classy, elegant, but modest formalwear that will manage to work its way onto the red carpet with celebrities. Or something like that. Yes, I'm LDS. I plan to be the LDS designer to bring the "modest is hottest" idea to the high fashion industry. And the red carpet. As previously mentioned.

I love to sew, read, draw, paint, and take pictures. Yes. Anything that involves creativity and imagination. I love the feel of sunshine and the smell of rain. I addicted to fashion blogs and Vans. I love music. All music. A person going through my iTunes library would consider me the ultimate eclectic collector of songs. I am a thinker. An analyzer. An avid journal-filler. But most of that is kept to myself - which is why I can claim I have nothing to say.

This blog will likely be as eclectic as my iTunes library. It will include thoughts, random bits and pieces of my day, stories, insights, favorites pictures and articles, etc. Get. Excited.

And now with truly nothing left to say about myself, I end this post completely satisfied that I have fulfilled my requirement for the day.

Introduction

This is my blog.

I've been recommended on several occasions to start a blog. I always said I would start a blog when I said I had a life interesting enough to write about. Then I realized my life would never get interesting so I decided I would start when I got a computer. I got my computer a few weeks ago. I said I'd start when I started college. I started college the week after I got my computer. I said I'd start on my birthday. That was the week after college started.

Long story short, today is no significant day, no significant event but this: I mentioned to a dear friend that I was thinking about starting a blog. He said that I should and that he would read it. Day after day that friend asked when I was starting my blog because he wanted to read it. I kept putting it off. I finally made the blog...but never wrote on it. Today, that friend of mine left to serve a mission in New Zealand. I figure I owe it to him to start this blog. So here goes. Here's to you Dave.

Hopefully I can find enough to say.